1. |
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Dr. Gwendolini’s Amazing Medicine Show
Part 1
We interrupt this program for a very special thing...
Dr. Gwendolini’s here and he is gonna sing!
Dr. Gwendolini:
Welcome one and welcome all and just forget your woe!
It’s Dr. Gwendolini’s Amazing Medicine Show!
Selling patent miracles and snake oil in a jar...
It’s not true I’m a wanted man, that would be bizarre!
Here we have a little pill to save you from your fate
Side effects include REST IN PEACE and a sudden loss of weight
That’s all we have time for, but don’t forget to go
To Doctor Gwendolini’s Amazing Medicine Show!
Part 2
The Don:
Upon her sickbed my grandmother lay
I got the news that she had died today
He said he’d cure her sickness, but that was just a lie...
Now Doctor Gwendolini... must die.
Minions:
How should we do the deed? (We got katanas)
How should we do the deed? (Poisoned bananas)
How should we do the deed? (Can’t we just shoot him?)
How should we ‘do’ Doctor Gwendolini?
The Don:
With Doctor Gwendolini, I want the job done neat
Into the river, with weights around his feet!
Minions:
That’s how we’ll do the deed! (He’s gonna get drowned)
That’s how we’ll do the deed! (He’ll never be found)
That’s how we’ll do the deed! (Can’t we just shoot him?)
That’s how we’ll ‘do’ Doctor Gwendolini!
The Don:
...and on the Third Day
She had arisen!
She rose from the very grave itself...
Fifty years younger and in perfect health
What dark miracle has Doctor Gwendolini wrought?!
Minions:
Where did his body go? (We thought we’d drowned him)
Where did his body go? (Still haven’t found him)
Where did his body go? (He’s done a runner)
Risen from the dead – Doctor Gwendolini!
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2. |
Numerology
09:56
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Numerology
"It's twelve oh two A,M. PFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT"
I was walking down a country lane, a gypsy called to me
She said “I’ll tell you ‘bout the future, son, for a silver coin or three”
I said “I don’t believe you have the skill to peel the future’s veil away”
She said “The truth is in the numbers, son, so hear what I have got to say”
7 deadly sins,6 geese a-laying, 5 gold rings, 4 horsemen slaying
2 crows for joy, 1 crow for sorrow, nought is the hour today becomes tomorrow
All these things I see, but I don’t believe in numerology
“You will meet a stranger tall and dark, as strange as strange can be
And he will teach you all you need to know about the mystic number three”
I said “Oh, go and pull the other one, that line’s as ancient as can be”
She said “You will not have a future, son, unless you hearken now to me”
Chorus
"Four, four, four, teen, teen, oh, oh, oh, oh, teen, teen, oh, teen, teen, twelve, "
Chorus
"Once two's two, two twos are four, three twos are six, four twos are eight, five twos are ten, six twos are twelve, seven twos are fourteen, eight twos are sixteen, nine twos are eighteen and ten twos are twenty!"
Chorus
That night I met a stranger tall and dark, exactly as she said
I think the thing that gave me pause the most were the grey wings on his head
He said “I’m glad to see you’re still alive, for there’s a bounty on your head
For you’re a member of the ‘Cubi race and many people want us dead!”
Chorus
I let the stranger take me far away, and he told me many things
I’d often wondered where my parents went and why I have these feathery wings
At first I wondered if it was a prank, but then it all made sense to me
The only thing I never understood was why I hate the number three
Chorus
65535!
Seven deadly sins, Six geese a-laying
Five gold rings, Four horsemen slaying
Two crows for joy, One crow for sorrow
Nought is the hour today becomes tomorrow
All these things I see, but I don't believe in numerology
"It's eight oh eight P.M."
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3. |
Mordrith's Song
06:30
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Mordrith's Song (from the Chronicles of Jakob Pettersohn)
Do you remember when we met...?
Your lips a gorgeous shade,
As crimson as the blood upon the blade
Under the gaze of the mighty Queen
With the swish and the thud
Of the guillotine
Do you remember how we met...?
Your smile was cruel and thin
Until the entertainment did begin
Do you remember where we met...?
The turned the rusting lock
And led the slaves down to the chopping block
Your executioner is dead
My dear, I’ve saved your life would you accept my hand and be my wife?
My dear, you’re evil as can be
I’m pretty evil too, I’d like to have an evil child with you
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4. |
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Dictator
I sold the kingdom for a pair of magic beans
I gave our enemies the key to all their dreams
I watch the people and I laugh at all their screams
And there’s nothing you can do about it
Shut up and take it
Shut up and take it
Shut up and take it
I sold you poverty and dressed it with a lie
I watched you cheer as I hung you out to dry
I’ll call you traitors if you dare to question why
And there’s nothing you can do about it
Shut up and take it
Shut up and take it
Shut up and take it
I’ll leave the nation lying gutted on a slab
I’ll keep on taking ‘till there’s nothing left to grab
I’ll leave you broke and make your children pay the tab
And there’s nothing you can do about it
Shut up and take it
Shut up and take it
Shut up and take it
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5. |
Saludora
07:34
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Saludora
In the land that they call Saludora, evil men do dwell
They’re the rulers of a kingdom that has lately gone to Hell
In the land that they call Saludora, no-one dares to cough
Lest the guards descend upon you and then hack your head clean off
So we never dare complain
We just ignore the pain – and stay alive
In the land that they call Saludora, each man plays his part
And there’s nothing so convincing as an arrow to the heart
In the land that they call Saludora, no-one questions why
Or you’ll end up in the dungeons and they’ll sentence you to die
When life’s so very cheap, with men worth less than sheep
And you’ll only find the justice of the grave
In the land that they call Saludora... Saludora... Saludora...
In the land that they call Saludora, evil things occurred
And the rulers were replaced with ones the common folk preferred
In the land that they call Saludora, no more tyrants reign
And we changed the constitution so it won’t happen again
Well they just ignored our pleas, so they got strung up from trees
And they only found the justice of the grave
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6. |
King Ordros
12:17
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King Ordros (From the Chronicles of Jakob Pettersohn)
“Oh no,” said he, “You must love me
And obey me without a frown
Unless you do, I shall execute you
For insulting the kingdom’s crown”
There was a king, he was a tyrant
He acted like an overlord
He used to have opponents, but he put them all to the sword
A pair of men, two swords for hire
Were blackmailed into robbing the king
Regain the stolen treasures he had taken under his wing
So this is the story of Ordros the King
A story of dragons and dreams
A story of hubris and righting of wrongs
Where nothing is quite how it seems
When they were caught, they struck a bargain
The Princess had been stolen away
Unless they could return her, they would lose their heads right away
There was a land, owned by a dragon
The place the princess had been seen last
The headsman tagged along to make sure both men stuck to their task
So this is the story of Ordros the King
A story of dragons and dreams
A story of hubris and righting of wrongs
Where nothing is quite how it seems
Deep in the forest where none would hear
The headsman made his position clear
“I know you won’t trust me,
but I hate the king and he must be stopped!”
They knocked the door, which was tall and stout
The dragon answered and threw them out
“We’ll have to try trickery instead, then”
Once past the walls they scoured the halls
For some hair or a scrap of dress
They found that day, to their dismay
That the dragon was the princess.
So she explained, why she’d absconded
The Queen had been beheaded for treason
The Princess fled in case she faced the same end for the same reason
They had a coup, led by the Princess
The headsman did away with the King
It turned out he could shapeshift and so no-one noticed a thing
So this was the story of Ordros the King,
A story of dragons and dreams
A story of treason and righting of wrongs
Where nothing is quite how it seems
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