Dr. Gwendolini's Amazing Medicine Show

by DOUG the Eagle

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Sven B. Schreiber (sbs)
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Sven B. Schreiber (sbs) Don't be fooled by the odd first 50 seconds - the album gets much better after that! This one-man band impersonated by Joseph Paul Morris creates clever psychedelic prog with a funny touch, sometimes sounding a bit like the early ingenious "Klaatu" recordings. Joseph Paul Morris owns an impressive collection of vintage gear, including a weird device called the "Tornado Mellotron Engine" - a mellotron emulator hosted on a DOS PC, for which he wrote the software himself. Oh boy, I'd just love to peek into the source code of this beast! Favorite track: King Ordros.
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Dr. Gwendolini’s Amazing Medicine Show Part 1 We interrupt this program for a very special thing... Dr. Gwendolini’s here and he is gonna sing! Dr. Gwendolini: Welcome one and welcome all and just forget your woe! It’s Dr. Gwendolini’s Amazing Medicine Show! Selling patent miracles and snake oil in a jar... It’s not true I’m a wanted man, that would be bizarre! Here we have a little pill to save you from your fate Side effects include REST IN PEACE and a sudden loss of weight That’s all we have time for, but don’t forget to go To Doctor Gwendolini’s Amazing Medicine Show! Part 2 The Don: Upon her sickbed my grandmother lay I got the news that she had died today He said he’d cure her sickness, but that was just a lie... Now Doctor Gwendolini... must die. Minions: How should we do the deed? (We got katanas) How should we do the deed? (Poisoned bananas) How should we do the deed? (Can’t we just shoot him?) How should we ‘do’ Doctor Gwendolini? The Don: With Doctor Gwendolini, I want the job done neat Into the river, with weights around his feet! Minions: That’s how we’ll do the deed! (He’s gonna get drowned) That’s how we’ll do the deed! (He’ll never be found) That’s how we’ll do the deed! (Can’t we just shoot him?) That’s how we’ll ‘do’ Doctor Gwendolini! The Don: ...and on the Third Day She had arisen! She rose from the very grave itself... Fifty years younger and in perfect health What dark miracle has Doctor Gwendolini wrought?! Minions: Where did his body go? (We thought we’d drowned him) Where did his body go? (Still haven’t found him) Where did his body go? (He’s done a runner) Risen from the dead – Doctor Gwendolini!
Numerology 09:56
Numerology "It's twelve oh two A,M. PFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT" I was walking down a country lane, a gypsy called to me She said “I’ll tell you ‘bout the future, son, for a silver coin or three” I said “I don’t believe you have the skill to peel the future’s veil away” She said “The truth is in the numbers, son, so hear what I have got to say” 7 deadly sins,6 geese a-laying, 5 gold rings, 4 horsemen slaying 2 crows for joy, 1 crow for sorrow, nought is the hour today becomes tomorrow All these things I see, but I don’t believe in numerology “You will meet a stranger tall and dark, as strange as strange can be And he will teach you all you need to know about the mystic number three” I said “Oh, go and pull the other one, that line’s as ancient as can be” She said “You will not have a future, son, unless you hearken now to me” Chorus "Four, four, four, teen, teen, oh, oh, oh, oh, teen, teen, oh, teen, teen, twelve, " Chorus "Once two's two, two twos are four, three twos are six, four twos are eight, five twos are ten, six twos are twelve, seven twos are fourteen, eight twos are sixteen, nine twos are eighteen and ten twos are twenty!" Chorus That night I met a stranger tall and dark, exactly as she said I think the thing that gave me pause the most were the grey wings on his head He said “I’m glad to see you’re still alive, for there’s a bounty on your head For you’re a member of the ‘Cubi race and many people want us dead!” Chorus I let the stranger take me far away, and he told me many things I’d often wondered where my parents went and why I have these feathery wings At first I wondered if it was a prank, but then it all made sense to me The only thing I never understood was why I hate the number three Chorus 65535! Seven deadly sins, Six geese a-laying Five gold rings, Four horsemen slaying Two crows for joy, One crow for sorrow Nought is the hour today becomes tomorrow All these things I see, but I don't believe in numerology "It's eight oh eight P.M."
Mordrith's Song (from the Chronicles of Jakob Pettersohn) Do you remember when we met...? Your lips a gorgeous shade, As crimson as the blood upon the blade Under the gaze of the mighty Queen With the swish and the thud Of the guillotine Do you remember how we met...? Your smile was cruel and thin Until the entertainment did begin Do you remember where we met...? The turned the rusting lock And led the slaves down to the chopping block Your executioner is dead My dear, I’ve saved your life would you accept my hand and be my wife? My dear, you’re evil as can be I’m pretty evil too, I’d like to have an evil child with you
Dictator I sold the kingdom for a pair of magic beans I gave our enemies the key to all their dreams I watch the people and I laugh at all their screams And there’s nothing you can do about it Shut up and take it Shut up and take it Shut up and take it I sold you poverty and dressed it with a lie I watched you cheer as I hung you out to dry I’ll call you traitors if you dare to question why And there’s nothing you can do about it Shut up and take it Shut up and take it Shut up and take it I’ll leave the nation lying gutted on a slab I’ll keep on taking ‘till there’s nothing left to grab I’ll leave you broke and make your children pay the tab And there’s nothing you can do about it Shut up and take it Shut up and take it Shut up and take it
Saludora 07:34
Saludora In the land that they call Saludora, evil men do dwell They’re the rulers of a kingdom that has lately gone to Hell In the land that they call Saludora, no-one dares to cough Lest the guards descend upon you and then hack your head clean off So we never dare complain We just ignore the pain – and stay alive In the land that they call Saludora, each man plays his part And there’s nothing so convincing as an arrow to the heart In the land that they call Saludora, no-one questions why Or you’ll end up in the dungeons and they’ll sentence you to die When life’s so very cheap, with men worth less than sheep And you’ll only find the justice of the grave In the land that they call Saludora... Saludora... Saludora... In the land that they call Saludora, evil things occurred And the rulers were replaced with ones the common folk preferred In the land that they call Saludora, no more tyrants reign And we changed the constitution so it won’t happen again Well they just ignored our pleas, so they got strung up from trees And they only found the justice of the grave
King Ordros 12:17
King Ordros (From the Chronicles of Jakob Pettersohn) “Oh no,” said he, “You must love me And obey me without a frown Unless you do, I shall execute you For insulting the kingdom’s crown” There was a king, he was a tyrant He acted like an overlord He used to have opponents, but he put them all to the sword A pair of men, two swords for hire Were blackmailed into robbing the king Regain the stolen treasures he had taken under his wing So this is the story of Ordros the King A story of dragons and dreams A story of hubris and righting of wrongs Where nothing is quite how it seems When they were caught, they struck a bargain The Princess had been stolen away Unless they could return her, they would lose their heads right away There was a land, owned by a dragon The place the princess had been seen last The headsman tagged along to make sure both men stuck to their task So this is the story of Ordros the King A story of dragons and dreams A story of hubris and righting of wrongs Where nothing is quite how it seems Deep in the forest where none would hear The headsman made his position clear “I know you won’t trust me, but I hate the king and he must be stopped!” They knocked the door, which was tall and stout The dragon answered and threw them out “We’ll have to try trickery instead, then” Once past the walls they scoured the halls For some hair or a scrap of dress They found that day, to their dismay That the dragon was the princess. So she explained, why she’d absconded The Queen had been beheaded for treason The Princess fled in case she faced the same end for the same reason They had a coup, led by the Princess The headsman did away with the King It turned out he could shapeshift and so no-one noticed a thing So this was the story of Ordros the King, A story of dragons and dreams A story of treason and righting of wrongs Where nothing is quite how it seems


This is my fourteenth (!) album, following in the wake of 'Evil Songs for Evil
People' and 'The Heresiarch's Breakfast', with few changes to the studio systems since then. I have been experimenting with new styles, however. The title track featuring the sounds of the Optigan, a bizarre home organ that used celluloid discs to play back scratchy, lo-fi sounds and accompaniments. On 'Saludora', experiments with time signatures resulted in a bassline so far beyond my skill that I resorted to tape speed trickery and overdubbing to make it work. While on 'Dictator', a minimalist approach is taken which attempts to fuse punk and psych into an angry rant about the state of the world. The album is topped off with the usual extended piece.

Hope you like it!

All songs recorded on 2” 24-track except ‘Dictator’, which is on 1/2” 8 track.

PDF CD booklet is available here: dougtheeagle.com/dgams/gwendolini.pdf


released April 22, 2018

All songs written and performed by J. P. Morris, Copyright (C)2017
Recorded using the Old Ways at The Lab, Cwmbran 2017
Mixed 6-7 Dec. 2017. Mastering by Alex Balzama at Swift Solutions, Apr 2018

Greetings go out to Keaton, Ren, Wuff, Keetah, Sofox, Merlin and co.
Thanks go out to the Rosegarden team, to Brian Roth and all at Pyral, ATR, MRL and co for keeping the analogue dream alive, also Pea Hicks at optigan.com
Cover by Keetah Spacecat, logo by Luke Turner. Organ recorded at St. Grod’s. Recorded on SM900 tape, mixed to ATR Mastering tape.




DOUG the Eagle Cwmbran, UK

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