High on a mountain Far from the sea There lived an old man and he He spoke to me He said “Doom is coming... it's not good news If we'd survive it there is one course to choose. We need a man, a DIY hero We need him quick before our chances are zero” He said “Son, you better run quickly I've seen the future and it's getting quite sickly Stand up, no time! End of the world is nigh!” Hey old man, why is doom so near? Tell me just what it is you fear? “His friends all call him 'Tim' but to his foes he is Baklawa Doom!” Far from the mountain When I got home The old man left a voice-mail Upon my phone It said “Time is passing and the end is near You'll find our hero down in South Gloucestershire” He gave a name, he gave a street number How he got mine I've no time to wonder

I remember when I first met Bob He was working at a fish'n'chip shop Because he was normal, he thought I was crazy When I told him he should stop I said we needed a hero – the old man and I - To try and stop the End of the World, When death rains from the sky I remember when I first met Bob It was hard to make the picture clear All I could tell him was the world was doomed And all because of some old mystic's fear I had to get close to him, and so I joined the line The menu said that they served Baklawa And I knew this was a sign I remember when I first met Bob And I asked if he believed in fate He shrugged and turned towards the frying vat And put some haddock on a paper plate I told him 'bout the old man, and what we had to do He threw his apron on the ground And said “Hell, yes! I'll join you!” Hey old man, why is doom so near? Tell me just what it is you fear? “His friends all call him 'Tim' but to his foes he is Baklawa Doom!”

Let's cut to Nanchester, where the end of the world is nigh Reports are... a giant Acid face... Descending from the sky... The Face floated around, cruising over town And all who saw its Withering Smile fell dead I called the old man up and I asked him for a clue He said it was our hero's job to work out what to do I sighed and said to Bob we didn't have a plan Belatedly I wondered why I'd come to trust this crazy mad old man Bob was the only man that the Face could do no harm Its smile just gave him headaches but not one of us was armed I called Bob back into this hiding-place I'd found It was a chip shop and the deep-fat fryer still seemed to be sound Hey old man, why is doom so near? Tell me just what it is you fear? “His friends all call him 'Tim' but to his foes he is Baklawa Doom!” Bob threw a fish, in polystyrene dish It struck the Face which broke and we were saved.

“You think I'm an old man, do you? But you don't know... My exile started thirty thousand years ago But now it's over and so, all thanks to you... I'll rule this planet and the whole empire too And it's done, I'm twenty times cooler - Overlord and galaxy's ruler!” Hey, old man, who has come from space Are you worse than the smiley face...? “My servants call me 'Tim' but to my subjects I'm Baklawa Doom!”

I found me in another world when my mortal life was done I've earned the right to live up here and I am not the only one But Heaven's not just clouds and singing, and so I joined the peacetime guard Sent off to fight some vampire cult, should training be this hard? “Oh and by the way,” they said, “Once an angel dies, he's dead.” We found us on a forest world where the vampire threat existed If I knew it would be like this, I'd never have enlisted Heaven's Army falls apart, raw recruits are slaughtered by the dozen See Hell's minions, find a place to hide away (I saw so many comrades die – enough to make an angel cry) Again I have to ask if I've been fooled, or is this really Heaven...? Again I have to ask if I've been fooled, and it was all a scam A band of angels wishing they had guns instead of sword and spear If I get out of this alive I'm gonna choose a new career And Heaven's Army falls apart, raw recruits are picked off by the dozen See Hell's minions, find a place to hide away Again I have to ask if I've been fooled, or is this really Heaven...? Again I have to ask if I've been fooled, and it was all a scam...

Instrumental

Young Keaton, she was born into a once-grand city state Ruled by an immortal Queen whose love had turned to hate Her father was a blacksmith, and he dreamed of making art Her mother hunted heretics and tore their souls apart Her mother lived ten thousand years by feasting on the souls Of those who would profane the Queen or mock the sacred scrolls Her father was a younger man who forged the tools of war To make the Red Queen's prophecies come true on every shore Little Keaton, as the years went along Little Keaton, such a shame it went so wrong Little Keaton, it was such a shame that you Little Keaton, have become a monster too The Queen believed she acted as the mouthpiece for her god As non-believers lost their souls her men would smile and nod Queen Jyraneth proclaimed that Creatures were the chosen few All wingless mortals must be slain, their sacred task to do Each month or so Her raiders would set forth upon the land To harvest souls and smite the cities with the Red Queen's brand They fought and slew and captured slaves and only spared the young "Each child is pure and holy" was the mantra that they sung Little Keaton, as the years went along Little Keaton, such a shame it went so wrong Little Keaton, it was such a shame that you Little Keaton, have become a monster too Now Keaton was a young girl and she knew not what to say When once she saw the wingsless slaves the Raiders caught that day And pity stole upon her for these frightened mortal things She shivered and she thanked the Queen that she'd been born with wings Her brother Noah told her of a creature of the night This story left young Keaton in a nervous state of fright She placed her dolls like sentries on the watchtower of a keep But stuffed toys cannot keep away the nightmare moths of sleep Little Keaton, as the years went along Little Keaton, such a shame it went so wrong Little Keaton, it was such a shame that you Little Keaton, have become a monster too One night when she was out alone she ran into the Queen Who asked her what she'd like to do when she had turned nineteen She tried hard not to think about the slaves she pitied so Since Jyraneth could see her thoughts and things she shouldn't know Her mother ran between the two for she was paranoid The Queen might call out "Heresy!" and have her child destroyed But Jyraneth ignored her quirks since Keaton was just small She'd grow to be a warrior and cause their foes to fall When Keaton was a teenager her brother took her out To burn away her pity for the foes of the devout And Noah told her that their sisters had been squeamish too It was a rite of passage every Jyraneth goes through They hid upon a mountain pass, 'till travellers came by He shot them with a fireball and left them there to die Then Noah turned to Keaton and he said the kindest thing Would be for her to slay them both and end their suffering Little Keaton, as the years went along Little Keaton, such a shame it went so wrong Little Keaton, it was such a shame that you Little Keaton, have become a monster too When Keaton closed on 70 she kept her youthful air, When you live several thousand years it's harder to compare She went in search of Noah who'd been missing several days When she returned she found her father dead and house ablaze It wasn't just her family who had been taken down Their city was invaded and their foes swept through the town She fought and killed the warrior who claimed her father's head But she was quickly overwhelmed and left behind for dead She woke and found herself alive but taken as a prize Her captors healed her major wounds but took one of her eyes It took about three hundred years and one attempted rape Before she killed her master and she managed to escape She wanders now in search of any clan-mates who survive Her dying captor hinted that her sister was alive So now she is a drifter and she wears a mask of hate But deep down she's just terrified she'll share her father's fate Little Keaton, as the years went along Little Keaton, such a shame it went so wrong Little Keaton, it was such a shame that you Little Keaton, have become a monster too